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Conscious Sweetness – Do you have any?

Last night, I had a funny conversation with my family about the six tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, astringent and pungent. 

Did you know that if you don’t satisfy each of these sensations in a day, you might end up craving them? 

Your body is designed to seek various tastes and variety. If you eat the same bland food over time, your body will eventually scream at you! 

Let’s take sweet for example. If you never eat anything sweet you are far more likely to fall off the wagon and overeat, or worse, binge on sweet foods. 

My partner, Eric, has a thing for chocolate and vanilla ice cream. It’s not an everyday occurrence or even a weekly one anymore. I’ve chipped away over the past couple of years at his dirty little habit and now its frequency has subsided. I did start making the joke that his vanilla ice cream craving was a childhood urge for mother’s milk, and that certainly made him reframe things in his mind! 🤣

That said, Eric doesn’t like sweet foods any other than these two. I will have a few thin slices of Granny Smith apple with a little smear of honeycomb, a bit of blue cheese and a walnut on top. He won’t eat the honey. 

If I add raspberries or strawberries to summer salads, he will pick them out. 

I’ll eat my keto chocolates, made with a tiny amount of maple syrup. He prefers milk chocolate! 

When I make Brussels sprouts, par boiled then roasted with free-range bacon, with a small slosh of pomegranate molasses, sliced almonds and a few dried cranberries, he will pull the cranberries out! 

People raised in the USA don’t seem to add sweetness to savoury meals the way Brits, Kiwis and Ozzie’s tend too. Mint sauce with roast lamb? He thinks I’m weird! 

However, last night I explained that by adding just a little conscious sweetness to your diet, you can prevent sweet cravings for ice cream and chocolate, and I think the penny finally dropped…

So, for those of you out there eating bland food, beware of the cravings. You are far better off adding just a tad of conscious sweetness to your daily meals, before your subconscious mind takes over and you fall off the wagon when the muffin in the café becomes too irresistibly tempting to say no to! 

Deborah xxx

0 In Blog

Filling Your Soul Goblet

I love living on a mountain where we are occasionally snowed in. It creates a change in rhythm and a stillness that gifts us a reason to simply ‘be’. Having experienced these moments periodically throughout life, I’ve come to realise that we don’t need to be snowed in or surrounded by flooding fords to create a sacred space; we need boundaries and discipline.  

It’s so funny that it took me living in places where I’d be snowed in every now and again, or the fords around another property I owned that would sometimes flood so I couldn’t leave, to figure this out. But what it’s given me is a passion for creating space to switch off the outside world completely. No social media, phones, television or movies; just silence or soft instrumental music playing quietly in the background; a space where I can fill up my Soul Goblet.  

I know that when my Soul Goblet is running low, I need to fill it; otherwise I’m no good to anyone and can quickly become my own worst enemy. My productivity drops, I can become shorter in temper, my body aches and I start feeling ‘blah’! 

Over the years I’ve come to realise that boundaries are what keep us sane. When we have time to slow everything down, allowing our nervous systems to relax, it allows us to integrate our emotional world and come out calmer and more focused at the other end. Our space tank is full.  

Today, I’m creating a wellness day at home. I’m going to finish up my essential work this morning, let people know I’ll be unavailable for the rest of the day; then my mini-retreat will start.  

It will begin with my infrared sauna and spending an hour doing five cycles of heat and snow rolling! I love ice on my skin, but do I like it? No. Do I feel incredible afterwards? Yes.  Not only is it a physical challenge, but most importantly, it challenges my mind.  And training our mind by challenging ourselves to do scary shit is where our true growth resides. This is coming from a woman who has bungy jumped over 200 times when she was younger and all I can say is that overcoming our fear is a secret to living a full life!  

I’ll have a hot bath with Epsom salts and essential oils to follow that up with, and then I will sync in front of the fireplace for a yin yoga session.  

And then, who knows, I might even get around to doing my nails, which seem to have been neglected sometime back in 2021! Finally, I’ll nourish my family and myself with a delicious meal and have an early night. 

So when was the last time you created space to simply be, to nourish yourself and fill up your Soul Goblet? What can you do to create a space like this in your own life?

Here are some tips: 

  1. Your to-do lists are never done, so be strict around not allowing yourself to justify these to not gift yourself some space, or to think about them when you do. The lists will still be there in a few hours: this time is exclusively for you.
  2. Let people know you will be offline in case they are trying to get hold of you. I do this with my children, friends and colleagues. We are so used to having instant access to everyone at all times these days that it’s always a good idea to pull back on this in your life. It can be never-ending for most of us.
  3. Focus on the feeling you’d like to create once your Soul Goblet is full. What will it take for you to achieve that?
  4. Set up your space and prepare nourishing snacks ahead of time if you’re not fasting. I usually fast and drink lots of water; then have a nourishing light meal at the end of the day. 
  5. Light your incense and candles and play some relaxing music. I don’t recommend anything with lyrics as it will distract your mind; keep it high vibrational and calming.  Search Spotify for ‘spa playlists’ or similar. 
  6. Get yourself ready. Make sure you wear comfortable clothes or a spa robe. You might want a sexy nightie underneath to make you feel good, even if no one sees it.
  7. Use the entire day as an opportunity to meditate. As your mind wanders, bring it back into the present moment. Be curious about everything you see, touch and smell; look at the world around you with new eyes. If your mind wanders to your to-do lists and responsibilities, remember that it’s okay to give yourself permission to be still for a few hours. We are so programmed into busyness that we forget it’s okay to not be rushing all the time. Remind yourself of that. Your mind will do what you tell it to do. 
  8. Take some time to tune into your body. It can help to lie on your yoga matt or bed and simply stretch slowly like you did as a child. My grandson is 10 weeks old and while I was changing him last week, he was stretching so peacefully and naturally. We forget to do this as we grow up, which results in energy becoming blocked within the body. So, tune into any blockages and stretch like a baby!

Whatever you choose to do, just do it! So now, as I finished this blog and the snow is falling outside my window, I’m going to sign off with love and begin filling my Soul Goblet.  

Deborah xxx

PS If you haven’t checked out TKS Plus (exclusively available to TKS members), it’s the perfect way to give yourself time. And check out my monthly Soul Switch sessions! They could be just what your Soul Goblet needs.

0 In Blog

Strength through Betrayal

Betrayal – I was hit hard! 

Have you ever experienced betrayal? Until a year ago, betrayal was foreign to me – then I was hit big time by people I had entrusted with my finances and the management of two of my companies. I suddenly felt like a fish out of water trying to flap my way back into the pond from dry land.

Having just landed in New Zealand after being stuck in the US for almost a year due to border closures and being unable to obtain a place in our managed isolation facilities, I was told I couldn’t settle on the property I’d worked 14 years to obtain. 

It had been over 14 years since I’d owned property. As a result of my ex husband going bankrupt in 2008 we’d lost our home, deeming me unofficially bankrupt with over a quarter of a million dollars in debt. This burden hovered heavily over my shoulders for eight years, but I stuck it out, turned my life around and was finally able to buy my own home. 

Then BAM! I got off the plane and found out that two of my companies here in NZ were unofficially insolvent. And so I asked the most important question: “Where was all the money going?”

That’s when the truth began to emerge leaving me completely gobsmacked. I discovered that two people had misused their power over my finances to the tune of a quarter of a million dollars over just five months. The cashflow in these two companies had been excellent leading up to then; however massive invoices for over-billed time were sitting in my debtors’ list. 

One of them claimed to have worked 133 hours a week for over a month. That left just six hours in 24 to eat, sleep and run a home. No one can maintain that over 31 days straight. It was a lie and I was being ripped off. I was then told that many people I’d worked with (some for up to 30 years) hadn’t been fully paid in months. COVID had deeply impacted my income with costs increasing, customers being almost too expensive to obtain and so the perfect storm emerged on a very dark horizon. 

Then, as things unravelled, I discovered multiple things that were nothing short of fraud. They included a false email account under my name that was used to forge responses to legal emails, false letters claiming one of their incomes was far more significant than it was in order to obtain their own mortgage. The discoveries went on and on. 

As things unfolded I was left with a range of emotions that were completely foreign to me. Over several months, I spent many hours reflecting on what the lessons were in it all for me. 

There are many stages of betrayal:

1. Shock.

2. The realisation that we may have ignored our intuition and gut feelings.

3. Feeling blindsided. 

4. Denial.

5. The emotional storm of grief, anger, obsession, bargaining, questioning ourselves and others.

6. Adjusting to our new normal; particularly if our world was turned upside down.

7. Acceptance. 

8. Rebirth.

Was I too trusting? Yes.

Should I have been able to trust these people? Yes.

Did they misuse their power and authority? Yes.

Should I had paid closer attention to their management of things? Yes. But that’s also the job they were entrusted to do!

Am I too generous? Yes. And this is a massive lesson I’ve had to learn to understand due to having been taken advantage of. 

So was my lesson here not to trust people again? No. It’s that when it comes to money, power and control that people do things you wouldn’t expect. 

It’s made me realise that not all people have your best interests at heart. And, that not all people share the same values, morals and spiritual beliefs that would stop someone like me from even considering such an abuse of power. I believe in karma and in always being the best human I can be towards myself and others; and I could never do such things to another soul. But again, not all souls are wired this way. A little bit of power can allow some people to do things you’d never expect, and it comes down to ego. 

The human ego tells us many things:

I am what I have, my processions, the car I drive, the home I live in, the clothes I wear and the jewellery I adorn myself with. 

I am what I do, my position in life. My self-importance.

I am my accomplishments, my academic success. 

I am what other people think of me. 

I am my body. 

I am my status in life; you’re either above or below me. 

And yet, we are none of these things – they are illusions. All human suffering is the result of these things. We spend a lifetime obsessed, stressed and striving to accumulate and maintain these things. What a waste of a human lifetime. 

What happens if all these things were taken away from you? What happens when you age and your ‘relevance’ is stripped away? 

We are here to thrive by becoming the best version of ourselves. We are here to give and receive love and compassion. We are here to support each other, to grow together and create a beautiful world and life together. Life shouldn’t be about competition or oneupmanship. We are here to learn the power of unconditional love. 

Betrayal is a theme I’ve seen everywhere of late, with many of my closest friends experiencing the deepest levels of betrayal right now. It’s a strange feeling and hard to isolate. It leaves us questioning ourselves as we rarely see it coming. It can be earth-shattering and flip our life upside down in a flash. 

So how did I handle my own betrayal? I dug deep and refused to lay down my sword. Sometimes we are on the receiving end of karma and at other times we must be the ones to stand in a place of moral justice and allow the universe to work through us to ensure karma is dealt to the perpetrators that have little moral compass. We have to be willing to say “No, I will not let you get away with this!” And so, we must fight it. 

In the end my lesson was simple. It came down to boundaries. 

I’m pleased to say I dug deep, surrounded myself with the right team and settled on my property. I turned these companies around by making adjustments and pulling back to consolidate them, and am finally out the other side. It certainly was a ‘come to Jesus’ moment for me. Lesson learned! And now, I feel equipped to support my own friends and community through their own life lessons surrounding betrayal. 

If you know someone who is currently experiencing betrayal, support them by just being there for them and letting them know that “this too shall pass”. Hold space for their emotional storm as they work through their own stages of betrayal. We can’t fix it for them, and betrayal can be a lonely path, but we can show compassion and understanding. 

If you’re experiencing betrayal yourself right now know that no storms last forever. You’ve got this! Delve deep, it’s only a lesson and you’re an excellent student of life! Being willing to fight for your rights but also knowing when to walk away will bring you the peace you so deeply desire. 

Most importantly, let this lesson soften you; not harden you. Keep your heart open and don’t yield under this temporary storm. Never give up! 

Deborah xxx

0 In Blog

Precious Time

Meet my grandson, Ollie.

When life is so busy and you are pulled in a million different directions,
it’s easy to forget what’s most important to us…

Boundaries are so important especially when your life is so full. I’ve always been great at boundaries, but they can ruffle some feathers and I’ve learned that’s okay. Life is about the sacred times and spaces you create and the memories you make.

As a woman that works long hours and has many demands, my job is never done. And that’s okay. Some times we have to retreat regardless, and ensure that we know that love is what fulfils us and brings us the most joyous of moments in the midst of life’s storms.

When did you last take a breath and focused simply on love?

Our to-do lists will never all be ticked off. But that’s not what you’ll remember in the end. Some times we have to let go and remember the true meaning of life and why it is we strive so hard.

It’s about the little things and in my case, this little soul, who matters most to me right here and now.
My to-do lists will be there tomorrow. 

0 In Blog

There is No Wagon to Fall Off – Find Peace Through Your Addictions!

Do you ever get overwhelmed by your to-do list?  Not the to-do lists like things at work, or the housework, or managing your relationships in life, we barely have enough time for these things, right? These are never-ending as it is, but do you ever get overwhelmed by the most important to-do list; which is you?  Until you face your internal to-do list you will forever feel as though you’re barely hanging on and so the cycle of being on or off the wagon continues.

It’s easy in life to let everything pile up. We get overwhelmed and it’s easy to feel stuck.  So instead of dealing with our ‘stuff’, we let another day slide, then a week and then before we know it the years have gone by, and we are still where we were a decade ago.  We sometimes change our environment, get a new job, meet new people, and form new relationships, accumulate more things, but the feelings deep within our souls remain the same.  Do you ever ask, ‘what’s the point?’  Really what we are asking is ‘what’s the point, to life?’.

What we are all deeply desiring isn’t happiness, it’s inner peace!

Last week I spent 5 days with a group of women at my Transcendence Retreat.  It was an incredible week and as I drove away, I reflected on why this group of women made this particular retreat one of my best in over 20 years of running women’s groups. They simply showed up with open minds and were willing to take the journey with me.

The question always arises in my retreats and events about how to stay on the wagon.  There is NO WAGON, you’re simply living LIFE!  It has its ups and downs, and it’s highs and lows.  So, what happens when we don’t have the resilience, strength or skills to approach the inevitable lows?  We lean into our addictions to escape.  So, what is addiction really?  

Addiction is fear and the absence of love. What you’re suffering from is the addiction to the personality and the ego that has painted a false sense of self.  You believe your pain and suffering is unique and special to you. It’s not, it’s a human infliction and you’re not alone.   Suffering is the belief that you are separate from one another and separate from the divine and this keeps you lonely and separated from each other.

When you escape into your addictions you are looking for one thing, peace.  You’re under the illusion that what you want is happiness and spend your lives seeking, searching and craving happiness, but that’s where you are misguided by a society that’s constantly telling you what you need to obtain such false happiness. The new house, the car, the man or woman, the family, the status and career etc etc.  

It’s all built of the energy of lack and the things you think and are told will make you happy. But that can polarise you even further because when you desire the things you don’t have, you feel even more inadequate and that’s when apathy can set into full gear. We scream down the highway of life screaming ‘I give up, who bloody cares anyway!?’ Your soul cares, that’s who and so does the divine universe which wants to expand and express itself through you.

Everything outside of you though is a distraction and an illusion.  What happens when you get everything you thought you wanted?  You’re still the same person inside, only now with more responsibilities and more things to take care of, maintain and manage. You might get what you want and gain fleeting moments of satisfaction and a sense of temporary achievements, but you’re still empty.  You are still carrying the trauma of your pasts; the wounds life has accumulated and so your addictions continue.  

So, you go back into your addictions and fall off that imaginary wagon because there’s more to learn and unpack. You haven’t suffered enough yet to wake up to your own divinity and power!

You still haven’t yet found the higher meaning of suffering. Pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  But suffering serves only one true purpose, to awaken you. To bring in the light so you have faith and trust that everything is always working out for you. You just can’t see it yet. Have faith and let go.

To let go, feels like a possession.  As though some ungodly entity will overtake your consciousness and you’ll somehow lose yourself.  
So, you struggle to let go and instead hold onto your pain to keep you grounded.  And yet all you really want to do is surrender, and to feel safe and not alone. To feel secure enough to let go and let God.

‘It’s me, my pain! You don’t understand!’  Beneath it all is the biggest problem humans face, that of the ego and pain body and the illusion that God and the universe, the divine intelligence isn’t accessible to you. You forget who you truly are.

You are LOVE, everything else is an illusion. You block love through fear and you chose to not be love through fear.  And you forget what love is and have even given that a false identity.

What is love to you?  Think about this.  Maybe it’s time for an upgrade?

When you fall off the wagon, you’ve succumbed to pain because you have more healing to do. Accept that’s what you’re doing.  Acknowledge it and forgive yourself and be compassionate. From there write about your feelings.  Listen to them. What’s your real pain?  Is it fear of failure or success?  Why are you afraid of failure anyway?  Isn’t that where the growth is?  Stop fearing pain and loss.  Loss of what? The false sense of self?

We fear change more than we fear staying right where we are.  And that’s why we stay stuck. Who would you be underneath it all? You’d be at peace.  You’d know you are divine in nature. You’d know the universe loves you, that you are loved and not alone. The angels are with you.

You tell yourself you have no choices, but you do.  You have the free will to decide how you feel.  That’s it.  That’s all it takes.

At the end of every retreat, there is always the conversation about ‘What now, where do we begin moving forward?’  To which I reply, ‘You do what’s right in front of you, you work on the most important thing in your life that you have been avoiding that will bring you the inner peace and the resolution you crave. That’s what you’re really craving after all, not your addiction of choice.

Put your inner peace at the top of your list and you create the space and the necessary boundaries so you can focus on creating it. As you shift your inside world your outside world changes.  

You have an infinite source of inner strength and inner power when you allow the universe to work its magic through you. Meditate, pray, walk, laugh and sing, whatever works for you to fill your soul up with light, and find your way back home. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Deborah xxx

PS If this blog resonated with you and your soul guides you, you will LOVE my upcoming 2-day virtual event, Embody The Switch. Come and discover the hidden blocks that stand between you and your best life. 
Find out more here.

0 In Blog

The Gift of Change… I admit it, I fell apart!

Last week a bomb was dropped on my personal life!   My darling partner Eric got a call from back home in the States, to hear that his mother has stage four brain cancer.  She had been receiving radiation for lung cancer over the past 6 months and 40% of lung cancers metastasise to the brain, and sadly, this happened to her.

Our life was pretty close to perfect.  We got Eric’s 2-year visa to stay in New Zealand, he had started a full-time job which he was really enjoying, we were starting to make lovely friends and our social calendar was filling up.  We had loads to look forward to over the coming months and with the firewood stacked we were excited that winter was on its way and looking forward to the first snow of the year. 

Then BAM!  Everything turned on its head, our world tipped upside down and we had just a couple of days to make a plan for him to get home to Florida and plan how we would manage everything. 

I admit I was a total mess!  I didn’t handle it well at all in those first hours as this was unfolding. My emotions were all over the place. It triggered anxiety and fear and brought up a lot of my past trauma of abandonment and many other things.  I’m nearly 50 and yet I still regress sometimes into my 7-year-old. Just when you think you’re over something, another test arises!

So, we moved my Mother’s Day to Saturday and Eric took my daughter and Deb and me to Millbrook for a glorious brunch, then we stopped off at the Shotover bridge to paddle our feet in the crystal-clear water. 

What’s the lesson here?  Sometimes trauma never leaves, but you do learn to manage it.  Each time something triggers an emotional response from the past, you get another opportunity to react slightly differently than the time before.  It’s about working through the layers. 

Yes, I’m a human, we all are, and it’s messy!  When situations like this arise and it brings up ‘stuff’ it takes some time to process and recognise it’s just that, ‘stuff’!  The ego’s immediate response is to react from its pain body and to make it all about ‘you’!  But recognising it is the key. So, I set my ‘stuff’ aside and we worked through the plan, together. 

So, on Mother’s Day, I put him on a plane back to the USA and then drove over to Kurow where this morning I begin leading a 5-day retreat.  Given my commitments to work, with my retreat and my Annual Embody the Switch Event at the end of the month, there was no way I could have gone with him to support him in person.  I had to put my big girl pants on and put my community and family here first.  When you feel like collapsing and hiding out in a dark room so you can wallow in self-pity alone, yet you have to show up in life instead, it can be a challenge!  Yep, being human is messy!

But life is also about showing up and getting shit done sometimes, even when you don’t want too.  It’s about working through your own mess, focusing on the bigger picture, telling yourself an empowering over disempowering story and just mucking in to get through.  Life isn’t constant bliss and it’s not meant to be.  Earth school isn’t meant to be easy; it’s meant to stimulate your awakening and growth.  It’s about learning that hard emotions are just as important as blissful emotions.  It’s about realizing that nothing is constant and the only thing you can rely on, is change.  We are souls having a human experience, not humans who have the odd soulful moment, and sometimes we all need reminding of this. 

It’s also about self-forgiveness.  Initially, I reacted badly, but I bounced back quickly once I allowed acceptance set in.  In the end, I booked his flights, got all his documentation sorted and let go of my fear.  I had to question my own mind and ultimately, I had to let go and let God. 

To say that Eric’s relationship with his mother is complicated is an understatement. But at the end of the day, family is family and at the core, it all collapses into unconditional love.  Sometimes it takes a crisis to be reminded of what’s important in life.  But another lesson here is to focus on that.  What’s the most important thing in this moment and how can we move through any crisis with dignity and grace?  Those words came to me through prayer when I was at a rock bottom moment in life.  Like the angels whispering to me ‘Deb, focus on getting through this with dignity and grace’.  Those words can really shift the energy of any situation. 

Do I still feel anxiety over this situation? Right now, yes, I do.  Until this is resolved and Eric is safely back home, I don’t know if it’s realistic to not feel low-grade stress.  That’s normal, expected and what it means to be a human.  I want to be with him to support him, yet, the universe had other plans.  He is meant to do this journey alone and I trust it will be a truly healing one for his family. 

So, what is going on in your life right now that might require some dignity and grace?  What have you been avoiding facing that might actually need you to put on your own big girl pants and muck in and get ‘shit’ done you don’t want to face? 

Life is about growth and if we choose to see it, we can see that there are many gifts in change.  Change challenges us, it raises unhealed wounds and shadows of our ego, it forces us to grow, and it gifts us the opportunity to rise above our emotions and refocus our attention upon what’s truly important at this moment.  It teaches us to let go and trust and to draw upon our faith, that life is always working out for us, no matter what.  We just have to get out of our own way at times.

When any crisis arises my friend Matt, the Neurologist has some wise words I’d love to share with you.  He says to trust instinct, over reason, over emotions.  Instinct is what your heart tells you which is intelligence, reason is what the mind tells you and we know the mind can play many tricks, and the emotions are just filters of the past and may serve no purpose in the present moment today.  Eric didn’t have time to say a proper goodbye to his father, so his heart knew he had no choice but to go while there was still time and heal from this goodbye.  We don’t know how long she will have, this may not be his last goodbye, but in a crisis, you need to be willing to drop everything and put those you love first. 

So, I am about to get ready to meet a group of women from our TKS community and I am truly grateful to have such a beautiful distraction this week and to live a part of my soul mission of facilitating transformation. The scene is set for an incredible week!  And then I will be off home this weekend to begin preparing for Embody the Switch and I hope you can all join me for the 2-day event which will be totally transformational.  I’ve spent the last year thinking about this event.  What wisdom can I bring you, and what I can teach you that will forever enhance the next steps of your journey.  It will be a full range of mind-body-spirit teachings to awaken a higher frequency in your soul so you are equipped to face the inevitable challenges that arise along your own life’s journey. 

The early bird is not available for too much longer, and there is a payment option if this helps.  I do hope to see as many of our community there live with me for a magical 2-days. 

I want you to know that life isn’t always easy but with all its colours, it can also be a glorious mess of navigating and growth and with every moment, there are many gifts if we stop to ask one simple question; what is the gift of this moment and what can I learn from this? 

I love you all!

Deborah xxxx   

PS If this blog resonated with you, you will LOVE my upcoming 2-day virtual event, Embody The Switch. Come and discover the hidden blocks that stand between you and your best life. Find out more here.

0 In Blog

Dear Good Girl, Stop Trying to be Liked!

A few years ago, I took the time to document the seven archetypes of women on a weight loss journey and today I want to share some advice for the Good Girls out there.  Over my decades of coaching women, I saw patterns that became highly predictable in nature.  I watched women with similar personalities struggle with the same set of issues.  When meeting a woman for the first time, I could predict the challenges she would face right from the start.  And so, my career changed my trajectory towards understanding the mindset of women and their journey to make peace with their bodies. 

I began to conclude many things; one is that we are more alike than we are different. 

I’ve witnessed countless women feeling completely isolated and alone in their thoughts about their body image and their self-image.  There is so much shame surrounding weight issues, that few women really share the intimate details of what they are truly going through with others.  Let me offer you some comfort here, you are not alone; this journey is one of our many shared human inflictions. 

There is little I haven’t heard over the decades from women struggling with their body and their weight.  I’ve spent thousands upon thousands of hours inside the minds of women on a weight loss journey.  I know the struggles most women endure feeling as though their body is working against them, and yet it’s not just their body, it’s also their mind.  I know there is a belief system that imprisons someone in a body they don’t love, from the excuses they make to the reasons they sabotage themselves. Likewise, there is a belief system that can free women from the ravages of self-loathing, toward an authentic love and freedom for life where genuine peace resides. 

Why does the average woman spend 17 years of her life dieting?  Because she is focused on the wrong things.  You’ll never solve a weight issue with another diet.  Weight loss is an inside job and at the core of it are self-love and self-respect.  You simply have to understand yourself in order to create a lasting transformation.

For most women, a ‘come to Jesus’ moment is required.  It requires time to get real and take a long hard look at herself and that’s not a road all women are willing to take.  So, my first question to women is ‘do you really want to change?’  Challenging your belief systems isn’t work for the faint-hearted. The negative aspects of your ego must die in order for a new you to be born. 

Weight loss isn’t about dieting to obtain a goal and then returning to the habits that caused your weight gain in the first place, that’s simply insanity if you look at it. Yet this is what the diet industry has taught you.  Do my diet, get these results.  Well fine, but then what? 

We know in the diet industry that 98% of women will fail to keep their weight off after 2 years.  Therefore, I’ve long maintained to my clients that if they don’t do the mindset, I’ll see them back here next year.  You need to stop focusing on food and focus on your mind, then the former will follow. 

You have to be willing to upheaval your world and dissect your belief systems and behaviours.  You have to be willing to find the blockages in your consciousness, and the reasons why you continue to sabotage yourself in life.   You have to get to a point where you’re so sick and tired of being sick and tired, that you’re willing to do anything to change and that includes looking at yourself, intimately. 

Here’s what I know to be true about weight gain and obesity; the life you have lived manifests in the body.  If you have suffered trauma, it will store itself within your nervous system.  If you have held onto past regrets, if you’ve not forgiven yourself or others, if you are trying to fit in and be liked to the point of compromising your own dreams, goals, values and desires, it will all show in your body.  If you haven’t dealt with anything in your past, it will continue to manifest in the physical form well into your future. 

There is only one pathway to authentic self-love, self-respect and freedom, and that is to heal your life from the inside out.  And that begins with letting go of the need to be liked.  Stop compromising yourself by putting others’ needs before your own.  You are no good to anyone if you don’t show up authentically in your life first. Stop pretending to be someone you are not.  You have to love the life you are in no matter where you are. You need to stop putting conditions on your happiness and waiting for a checklist of boxes to be ticked to feel worthy of self-love and happiness.  It’s all a choice and you get to make the decisions. 

I think when embarking on a weight loss journey, the first step most women need to take is to get over the need to be liked.  The archetype of the Good Girl, which inflicts most women to varying degrees is the aspect of ego that can unstuck most women on a weight loss journey.  This is the woman who will compromise her diet to fit in, yet it’s much deeper than this, she will also compromise her own values, her dreams, her goals and her desires to fit in, be agreeable and therefore ‘liked.’ 
Always, and without compromise, live your truth.  When you are not living in integrity with yourself, you cannot live in integrity with anyone else and suffering is 100% guaranteed. 

To master the transformational journey of weight loss, you have to actually be willing to change your entire life.  This includes the way you socialise and the way you behave and interact with other people.  Moving from the ‘fat chick’ who was great to grab a coffee and cake with at morning tea, to the ‘healthy chick’ that walks a few blocks to buy her salad during her lunch break or brings her healthy lunches and sits in the sunlight instead of the café, is a giant leap in the social order.  You risk losing friends but get over it.  True friends lovingly support you because they want the best for you.  Stop being a follower and start being a leader and you’ll find out who your authentic friends are. 

But if you’re brave enough to share your decision to try a new lifestyle with others, then you risk criticism.  You know deep down how many times you’ve slipped off the wagon before, so you have limited self-belief.  So, you tell yourself that you have one choice and that’s to try and do this journey privately.  Well, that is also a disaster because you’ll find yourself making excuses to not socialise or put yourself into situations where you need to compromise yourself or others.  The Good Girls hide away because they don’t want to upset anybody or put others out in any way. So, the dinner invitations get turned down, or worse if they are accepted, the Good Girl will compromise her own journey as to not make a fuss or stand out in any way.  Then regrettably she’ll head home and berate herself.  If she’s strong she will return to her plan, but I know that’s rare; most women will feel like such a failure, they will ‘give up’ for the rest of the week and start again on Monday. 

But what does it say about your relationships if they can’t withstand making some healthy changes along life’s journey?  Not everyone is going to like you.  No matter who you are, no matter how brilliant, talented, nice and agreeable you appear to be, how successful, how beautiful, how jolly fabulous you are, not everyone is going to like you.  Fact!  So, stop trying to be liked by others, and start focusing on liking yourself and you’ll wake up one morning and realise you no longer just like yourself, you love yourself.  

When you understand your values, your needs, your innermost desires and dreams and when you are willing to follow your bliss and obtain authentic freedom, which is your place of personal power, you will find that battling with weight becomes a thing of the past.  So, the real diet isn’t what you do to your body first, it’s what you do to your mind.  When you love yourself fully, you will no longer load yourself with toxic foods, you will nourish the skin you are in, and your body will thank you for it!  Happiness truly is an inside job! 

Deborah xx

PS If this blog resonated with you, you will LOVE my upcoming 2-day virtual event, Embody The Switch. Come and discover the hidden blocks that stand between you and your best life. Find out more here:

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Manifesting Dreams… the story behind the photograph

This is a story I’ve never written on paper before. It’s a story about dreams yet to be realised, it’s a story about overcoming the impossible, but most of all it’s a story about faith, self-belief and never giving up. 

In 2016 I was a single mother of three daughters struggling to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I was a quarter of a million dollars in debt, a burden I had carried for over 8 years.  I had debt collectors hounding me daily and no means to pay any of it.  I woke up each day with a sick feeling in my stomach and no means of climbing my way out of the swamp, apart from one thing, a deep knowing that this was not going to define me or be how my story ends. 

So, I dug deep.  Deeper than I ever had before, which was hard because the burnout from years of earthquakes, trauma, home losses, a divorce, and what felt like endless failures had truly taken a toll on me in every way.  I had been tested in every way possible and yet, the tests were the secret that kept me going.  I knew they were just ‘tests’.  So, what do we do when we are being tested?  I had a choice to either declare defeat and give up by playing victim to life’s circumstances, or I could choose to rise up and pass the tests by learning from every little and big ‘mistake’ I’d ever made that had led me to that moment.  That started by realising there are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn and grow. 

I chose to rise up!  And that’s when my life changed.  I could write an entire book just on this one subject, how I overcame a poverty consciousness, how I rose above fear and why I decided never to quit.  The bottom line was I knew that every adversity I had faced and was facing could be something other women one day may be able to relate to, and in seeing me overcome the hell I was in, then maybe I could inspire them to rise from their own ashes and try again.  I decided to not lay down my sword in defeat, but to find the last tiny spark of energy I had left and yield that power into changing my belief system so I could manifest a new life.  And so, I did.

Within weeks of making the decision to let go of the old me, I had manifested a business partner that could take my message to the world.  I became an ‘overnight’ success story, with 20 years of hard work and commitment behind it.  And that’s my message here to you who is reading this; there are no ‘overnight success’ stories without a lot of blood, sweat, tears and a defiant commitment and belief in what you are doing.  ‘Never quit’ became a motto for me during my many ‘long dark nights of the soul’ and I invite you to make this one of your mottos.

Over the years leading to this moment, I would save some pennies and put them aside so I could take myself off to stay that the Langham hotel in Auckland which was a 2-hour drive away from my home.  I couldn’t afford a holiday for many, many years, but I would wait for special offers to come up and go and spend a night there a couple of times a year because they had a beautiful day spa that I could enjoy for free. I couldn’t afford the treatments, but I’d spend hours in the herbal steam room, saunas and pools.  I used to walk past the beautiful event rooms and dream to myself, one day I’ll run an event here  I’d visualise, dream and even ‘pretend’ to myself I was staying there on business running a sellout event! 

Fast forward to 2017 and TKS had really lifted off.  The community was growing daily and the energy was palpable.  Something magical had been birthed.  So, when women started asking to meet me, it was a natural decision for me to aim high.  So, I announced my very first annual Embody the Switch event at the Langham hotel and it sold out within 24 hours with many women travelling across the ditch from Australia to New Zealand to see me.

Walking out onto the stage with women on their feet cheering for me was nothing short of overwhelming, I don’t know how I didn’t pee my knickers!  I was NOT a seasoned presenter in those days, in fact, I don’t even know how I got through it, but I did with the help of my friends Cate, Theresa and Deb.  It was an out of body experience I’ll never forget.  On the second day, a beautiful woman asked me to have a photo with her, and before I knew it there was a line of women from the front of the stage all the way to the back of the room.  Women took turns coming up on stage, generally crying with gratitude and then taking beautiful photographs of cuddles, tears and pure joy.  I felt deeply humbled and proud of myself for not ever quitting and thankful to God and the universe for giving me the guidance and strength to get there.  Despite all the years of criticism from people literally telling me to give up my dreams and get a ‘real job’, I stayed the course due to nothing less than, ‘faith.’ 

I still believe that if TKS wasn’t born through me, it would have been born through someone else.  It’s much bigger than me. I was the soul that put her hand up and said ‘yes, I’ll do it’.  I chose to pave the way for other women, but I knew they too would have to rise up in their own lives to do the ‘work’ to transform themselves, the way I transformed my life.  And since then, tens of thousands of women have. 

I believe we are all one.  We are a community and every woman who’s ever been a part of the magic of TKS, has been a part of its co-creation.  I’m eternally grateful for each woman who has joined me on this journey, the women who also refused to lay down their swords and not never quit! 

And to those of you who are feeling defeated, in many ways I feel your pain, I know your suffering.  But I’m here to whisper to you, that if I can do it, so can you.  All we need in this world is our own inner determination and self-belief, even when no one else around you believes in you anymore, or you feel like you’ve failed so many times, there’s no point in trying again.  I want to lovingly tell you to pull up your socks, to stop dwelling in the past and to let you know that you don’t need others to believe in you, you need you to believe in you!

I’ll never forget the look on my daughter’s face that weekend of the first Embody The Switch event.  They knew my business was doing well, but they didn’t know the difference it was making to so many women’s lives.  To see them proud of me was worth every bit of hell I’d trampled over to get there. And the icing on the cake for me was learning that my Embody The Switch event was to be the last event at the Langham Hotel in Auckland, as it reopened the next day as the Cordis under a new brand!  Bucket list – tick (JUST)!

(After my event with my family, triumphant and exhausted!)

I hope this inspires you to keep going.  Never quit, and never stop believing in yourself despite how defeated you may feel.  Your inner guidance will find the strength you need if you ask her to. 

“The universe is benevolent, but it wants you to dream a little bigger darling.” – Deborah Murtagh

Deborah xxx

PS: I’m thrilled to invite you to my first online Embody The Switch 2-day annual event. These will be 2 magical days! I’ll be sharing with you my biggest discovery in 30 years as a weight loss coach in the field of weight loss psychology. You don’t want to miss this!
Click here to join: https://membership.ketogenicswitch.com/switch

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Have you found the Switch before?

You know, that feeling when it just all comes together and everything just clicks?
That’s because you were inspired! You see creating a lasting change has nothing to do with willpower, inspiration is where it’s all going on gals!

Have you ever taken the leap to embark on a new lifestyle change and feared you might not be able to stick at it? Has that fear even prevented you from starting altogether? Or have you worried you’ll have to give up too much?  Do you believe it takes a lot of willpower to change your diet, start exercising, quit drinking or whatever other changes you’ve either made in the past or still want to make?

While willpower helps in the initial stages of change, willpower never works in the long run, but inspiration does.  Willpower is like a candle flame; it eventually burns out resulting in us returning to our default hardwired habits. If you’ve ever ‘fallen off the wagon’ it’s because you were relying on willpower to get you through, but you’ve not stepped fully into the frequency of being totally inspired to a point nothing can break you.  Wouldn’t it feel amazing if you could literally flick a switch so this never happened again? 

It’s an inspiration that ignites what I call a ‘switch’ and that takes something of great effort and turns it into something of ease!

‘SWITCH’ is an acronym for self-wisdom-inside-that-changes-habits.  And a switch is ignited through inspiration to a point that you know change is possible.

Have you ever experienced the feeling where suddenly something just ‘clicks’ and it’s then easy to stick to your new lifestyle and easy to say ‘no’ to the very things you used to do and love without any effort or thought?  Where the things that used to tempt you, no longer do?  You’ve discovered the ‘switch’.  

There’s a switch in your consciousness that literally takes you from the consciousness of someone who used to think one way, into the consciousness of someone who now thinks differently.  Over the years I’ve discovered a number of switches people that have succeeded with TKS have embodied. 

Here are a few of my tips for igniting the SWITCH:

  • The first is knowing your ‘why’
    What’s in it for you and for people around you? What vision do you hold for your future?
  • Write a list of costs and payoffs. 
    What are all the payoffs and the costs of this lifestyle change?  And what are you worried you might lose as a result?  Stack the payoffs highly in your favour!
  • Get empowered with knowledge!
    I find that listening to podcasts, watching inspiring stories on YouTube, reading books and listening to eBooks can provoke inspiration into action.  Learn whatever you can so you know more about your ‘why’ and you know what it is you need to do to step into action.  And stay on that path but keeping up your learning.
  • Write a clear action plan. 
    If you write things down, it helps the brain to organise the steps required to invoke change!
  • Set yourself small obtainable goals and non-food rewards so the reward centre in your brain rewires from the high of the addictive behaviour to high of self-worth and self-pride.  Celebrate your wins in healthy ways!

If you’d like to ignite the SWITCH in you, come and join us this weekend at Embody The Switch Live – a 2 day online event, It’s an opportunity to spend time working on YOU, on your relationship with food, and on your Self. I’ll be covering all the tips for igniting the SWITCH that I mentioned above. AND we’ll be unpacking the unspoken trait that is stopping you from getting to your goal weight.

It’s an event that will speak to your core and inspire your FAITH in yourself and your ability to achieve your desires – with 2 other amazing guest speakers too, brand new content and me presenting too!

Embody The Switch event takes place on Saturday, May 28th and Sunday May 29th. 8am-4pm NZT. (And yes, everything is recorded and will be sent to you after the event if you sign up for it).

I know it will be 2 days well-spent, even amidst the busyness of your life!

Click here to reserve your spot. I’ve saved a space for you!

Embody The Switch (https://membership.ketogenicswitch.com/switch)

Deborah xxx

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A personal life note… Welcome to the world Ollie!

Last weekend, my first grandchild Ollie was born peacefully into the loving arms of his parents, Shelby and Taylor.  They were inseparable teenage sweethearts.  They supported each other through their degrees, got married, bought and renovated their first home, and planned the arrival of their first baby.  I couldn’t be prouder of them. Watching their relationship grow deeper and deeper in love over the past 8 years, has been beautiful to witness.  They truly have something incredibly rare and special, and now I get to see them fully embrace the joy of unconditional love that only your first baby can bring. 

I’ve always believed that birth isn’t just the birth of a baby, but the birth of a mother, and a father as well.  Nothing prepares you for the growth and transformation that continues to expand from that day forth.  And now I also see the first grandchild also marks the birth of new grandparents.  So now, I embark on my next stage of life too, as a Glamma (Glam-ma)! 

I am still surprised that I managed to raise such a ‘sensible’ child, as I became a single mother with her when I was just 23. My mission as a mother was clear from the start; I wanted to ‘raise strong, independent, free-thinking women.’  I probably should have thought that through a bit more as raising three strong females wasn’t easy at times, 😂 but I know I’ll never have to worry about them in life, so I can comfortably tick that box now.

Far from being a helicopter parent, my parenting style has been highly unconventional.  
I had one requirement for my girls and that was to find their purpose and mission in this world and pursue it with everything.  And I guided them to see that if you live a life of service and contribution to others, you’ll always live a fulfilling and wonderful life.  

Shelby chose to become a midwife, so welcoming the birth of her own baby is quite literally her dream come true.  Seeing photos of her holding her baby for the first time and seeing tears of the purest form of joy streaming from her face, is an image I will treasure for a lifetime. Nothing prepares you for the kind of heart-orgasmic love of greeting a new soul into this world.  Your heart chakra literally explodes wide open!

Next week I will get to meet wee Ollie in person for the first time and I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to prepare myself for what I’m about to feel, but I do know makeup will be a complete waste of time as I can’t stop crying over the thought of it, I have a bottomless well of love for him.  Ollie, Glamma is on her way! 

So, here’s to everyone who has recently embarked on their next momentous journey in life!  I hope that 2022 is a year of blessings for you too! 

Deborah xxxx

PS Thank you for choosing me as your mum Shelby, and thank you for choosing me as your Glamma, Ollie. It’s a privilege to walk this new life path with you both. xxx