There have been periods throughout my life when I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. And there have been stages when I dreamed that a knight in shining armour would come and rescue me and solve all my problems. And then there are those fantasy moments when, in the depths of despair, my fairy godmother appears, waves her magic wand and ‘poof!’, all my woes simply disappear.
Wanting the pain of a situation to be gone is a human instinct. After all, we are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure! During stressful times we either fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And in different situations, we respond in either or all these ways.
The truth is, in each enormous life event, I know that I played a starring role. A series of events may have occurred that sometimes seemed outside of my control, yet the stories I made up about those events and the decisions I made, would ultimately lead me to a crisis point.
When I look back now, I am grateful for each and every one of my tragedies and traumas – and trust me, I am human and still find myself going in and out of the rabbit hole. The thing is, no one escapes the school of life. And if life is too perfect for some, maybe it’s because they find it easier to stay in a safe zone and not push themselves enough to find their edge of fear and growth. But regardless of whether we create our life dramas and star as the ‘main character’ or play a supporting role, we are ultimately the lead role in our life movie.
That said, when we’re in the depths of the darkness and the nights of terror, it’s almost impossible to acknowledge that these tragedies and traumas are there for our growth; and that they can manifest a breakthrough that literally catapults us from the tragedy we are in, into another reality where everything has worked out – if only we could shift our vibrational frequency and attract something new. The law of attraction is hard to see when all we are doing is attracting more and more drama, and that makes it easy to lose faith.
However, if you look back on your life, you will see that there is also wisdom in having these beliefs. Not only can they provide context and meaning to suffering, they can also give us hope and a sense of control. What’s more, these beliefs can empower us to stop being a victim (ouch, no one likes to relate to that!), and have us realise what’s inside and outside of our control.
I’m going to make a huge confession here: I am a high achiever and honestly, this is due to childhood trauma, some of which I am still working through despite 35 years of trying to ‘figure it all out’. I often push myself to the limits and take on too much, to the point where I used to get burnout. These days I know not to get to that stage and pull back accordingly by creating strong and clear boundaries. I dropped the sword of perfectionism years ago, and no longer need to people please or prove myself.
I’ve also learned to love and accept this madly driven, motivated and inspired part of me that became who I am because of trauma. It’s my beautifully crazy divine feminine side that has learned to stand up for herself, love open-heartedly and be generous beyond measure. My wounds didn’t break me, they made me who I am. And over the years I’ve healed the egoic drive to ‘prove’ my worth in this world because I healed the core belief that I’m unworthy. Being a self-confessed workaholic who is driven by a soul mission has its costs sure. But it also has its payoffs, and I’ve learned to have enormous self-compassion for both my strengths and weaknesses. I am a work in progress.
Nowadays, I am not afraid to throw myself in the deep end as I know I’ll get through it. I’ve developed a fearlessness where I am not afraid to lose anything because I know I won’t lose myself. I’m not driven by money or fear of losing it – I’ve lived through that more than once and survived. I’m not driven by the loss of relationships either as I have loved and lost many, still love openheartedly and no one can take my capacity to love away from me. And I’m not driven by what other people think of me as I am true to myself, my spirit and my calling in this world. Over the years, I’ve developed resilience and am now ‘anti-fragile’ where I don’t just bounce back from hard times and challenges, I grow stronger because of them.
So what got me through each challenge? Mantras and belief systems that enabled me to rise from the ashes, many times over. Mantras are the programs we put into our consciousness and minds to empower us, give us a focus and let the universe know that we are focused on getting through, ready to sit our final exam in each of life’s lessons and move on.
The following are some of the key mantras that have helped me rise from anxiety, depression, self-worth issues and feelings of being a failure, and that have been integral to me overcoming even the most challenging times of my life. While we sometimes simply hold onto a thread of hope, if we can muster just enough belief that we are living in a magical universe and that we can change our own reality, that little ounce of faith is what can begin to pull us through and back into the light.
“You never know how close you are to success when you quit. So never quit!’’
This mantra lets us know that our efforts aren’t wasted, that we don’t know what we don’t know and that maybe this is all a test to see if this is really something we want. So if we give up, then not following through means we’ll never know if we could have made it.
We must balance our inner belief with just enough evidence that we are on track. I ask the universe for signs that I’m on track all the time despite how hard it seems. Signs are everywhere if you look for them, whether it’s a number you keep seeing repeatedly or an auspicious registration plate on a car!
Conversely, I’ve seen people not quit when they should have, and this in itself is why we have to learn to meditate and trust our inner guidance system. External advice isn’t always what we should listen to either. I’d be a real estate agent by now (albeit a successful one), if I’d given up over the 20 years of trying to succeed in my soul mission of helping women to be well and able to reach their full potential in life. But trust me, if you have a soul mission and are willing to put your ego aside, you will be divinely supported and your sense of purpose then counteracts any sense of sacrifice and perceived loss.
“Wherever you go, there you are”
We cannot escape our own life lessons. We can play the victim, run and hide, and we can blame others, but ultimately we find ourselves stuck in the same pile of mud only in different circumstances. We can leave that job only to find the same boss or colleagues somewhere else. We can break up a relationship only for our unhealed wounds to surface in the next relationship yet again. We can earn more money, only to spend more if we don’t heal our relationship with money and self-worth. Or we can overcome one health crisis and then manifest another because we haven’t done the required inner work to love and value our physical body that’s working so hard to sustain the nervous system of unhealed trauma and core beliefs.
This mantra has helped me stop running – despite my innate flight response! Trust me, I used to run from everything. Nowadays I follow through and push things to their absolute limits of growth before I decide to take the ‘easy road’ and walk away. Which brings me to a Tony Robbins quote: “The path of least resistance is the path of pain.”
“A journey of a thousand miles… starts with a single step”
This Chinese proverb has helped me dig deep and find the strength to carry on more times than I can remember, when I was so far down the rabbit hole that it seemed impossible to get out! What I’ve learned is to break down the overwhelm into single increments.
“Do what’s in front of you” is a quote from the late inspirational self-help book author Louise Hay that is closely related to this notion. I heard this 35 years ago when I had my own spiritual awakening and saw my life’s purpose. I never knew how I could ever achieve it, and am still going! This is due to Louise whispering in my ear giving me the advice to do what’s in front of me. See the signs, say yes to opportunities and follow your calling without having to know the end result. It’s the journey, not the destination that matters, so stop looking at what you’ll gain in the end, and focus at how you’re growing in the moment.
“The edge of fear is where growth resides”
This saying speaks for itself. It also reminds me of Theodore Roosevelt’s famous Man in the Arena speech (please consult Dr Google for the full quote). Basically the gist of this quote is that we have to be in the arena to play. Critics like to sit on the sidelines and point fingers, but why should we care about any of their opinions – this is our life after all, not those of others!
So my advice to you is: Don’t listen to anyone who hasn’t walked beside you or is walking just ahead of you in life, and also be willing to dive in and have the courage to push yourself. An easy life is one where someone rests within the centre of their comfort zone. Ask yourself: Do I want easy, or do I want to leave nothing behind in this lifetime? I’m sure most of us would choose the latter! In order to live a meaningful life and live our purpose we have to get out of our comfort zone and into the arena, and choose courage over fear.
“A time for everything and everything in its time”
This one is all about patience. And that, when we really believe in something and can hold that vision clearly in our heart and soul, it will come to pass. Our mission is to get into alignment and do our inner work so that we can allow what we desire to manifest in our life.
With that said, bear in mind that there is a time to work, a time to rest, a time to sow and a time to harvest. So we need to learn to trust that nothing lasts forever and that ongoing change is all part of our journey.
“This too shall pass”
In the depths of anger and despair, these words have literally saved me many times over and they still do! No only do they instil calm instantly but also give us the inner strength to keep going forward.
“When we’re grateful for the things we have, the universe gives us more to be grateful for”
Gratitude is the ultimate source of manifestation. Healing our relationships stems from gratitude, for one. The more we express our gratitude and appreciation to others, the more love and connection grows.
In healing our relationship with money, we must value and appreciate our belongings and take care of them. And yes, this includes cleaning our homes and maintaining our cars. Taking care of whatever little or much we have results in feelings of abundance and goes hand in hand with the saying “Where energy goes, energy flows”. In other words, the universe gives us more of what we value. If we take anything for granted, it will slip away.
So wherever you are in life today, find empowering mantras with personal meanings that give you energy and help you build courage. Without these mantras to guide me I would not have written this blog for you! Remember, it’s what you tell yourself that creates your world. So choose your words wisely.
Lots of love,